Until Then
by TangledUpLies
Summary: For a brief moment, they had each other again.


Hi! I wanted to thank everyone first for their awesome reviews for _Inevitable_. =] I thought about leaving that as it was, and it still can be for the people who want that as it is, but this was in my head, and I couldn't get it out, so I just wrote it. After writing it and reading it over and over again, I wasn't really sure about it, but then I got to seeing 3.02, and I felt a bit more easy about it. It's hard for me to explain, but there was just something about her watching out for him there that made it seem okay here. It works in my head, lol. The thing is now I think I have them stuck somewhere I don't know how to get them out of and possibly together again, which maybe isn't so ideal, though I think with them, it all takes time, even if it's going to be at the slowest pace possible. But anyway, I hope everyone reads and likes it. Much love to everyone and remember to review with whatever comments you have for me afterwards! =]

* * *

Nine months.

That was how long it had been.

Nine months since she last saw him in her apartment. Nine months since she last spoke to him, telling him that it was for the best. Nine months since she last touched him, feeling his body beat against hers. Nine months since she last kissed him, tasting his hopelessness and desperation within each passing second.

It had been nine months since Emily Prentiss had any contact with Aaron Hotchner.

But that was her decision though. After that night in her apartment, she decided that that would be best. She didn't have to tell him. He already knew. It would have hurt too much. She didn't want to hurt anymore than what she was feeling. She didn't want him to hurt anymore than what he was feeling.

There was only so much they could have handled.

Everyone eventually found out about them two days later, and three days after, she was on a plane bound for New York. She'd keep in contact. She promised. They told her to stay. They could deal with Strauss. This would work out. Everyone had done something like this to some extent. They had examples lined up. But she knew better. She knew that she couldn't stay. Not right now. It was for the best. And before she left, she said goodbye to everyone but him. That night in her apartment was their goodbye. A second one would have torn whatever was holding them up.

And nine months later, Emily still thought about him. She missed him. She wasn't going to deny that. When she's sitting alone in her apartment with some of her belongings still in boxes surrounding her, she thought about him. She wondered if he was good. She hoped he was happy. Despite the phone calls and emails with everyone else, she never asked them. She didn't know how to. So she just hoped he was good and happy.

She wondered when it would be the next time she would see him. Or talk to him. Or touch him. Or kiss him. It could be tomorrow or next week. It could maybe be next month or next year.

But she would eventually because she meant what she said that night.

Someday their outcome would be different.

She just didn't know when.

...

The police weren't able to piece it together earlier. No one noticed the similarities. Ten bodies scattered around Manhattan. All were disfigured with missing hands and were found in their homes. It had been spanning for three weeks. There were no leads. Everything seemed almost impossible. So they went to the New York field office, asking for help. And when they realized that this would grow and they were going to be setting in a panic, they called for more help. They needed a profile. They needed to start somewhere.

When the file came across her desk, JJ didn't blink before she arranged for the team to go to New York. She settled everything before handing the file to him.

"We're going to New York."

Hotch froze for a moment when he heard those words. And when he took the file from her hand, reading the proof, he felt his stomach knot up.

Nine months without a word from her. Nine months since they decided that what they were couldn't be for now. Nine months since that still haunting exchange. Nine months since he remembered her telling him someday.

And as he was sitting on the jet, trying to discuss the lack of evidence and possible profile and keep his stoic expression intact, in the back of his mind, he couldn't stop thinking about her. He missed her. He always wondered how she was in New York. He didn't know if she was good and happy. He was well aware of everyone's contact with her, but he never asked. He couldn't ask. So he just hoped she was good and happy.

But now as Hotch stood in the elevator with everyone, his eyes straight ahead, he had to continue to remain calm. He felt his heart beat a little faster, nervousness setting in. He didn't know if she would be on the case. But he knew he would see her. He felt Rossi beside him, staring at him for a moment. And right before the elevator doors opened, he gave him a small pat on the back, trying to calm him. It didn't work.

His eyes didn't see her at first. When they first walked in, she wasn't around. They were met by one of the agents helping with the case. As the agent began giving the team a small summary of what else they had found since the day before, he saw her from the corner of his eye. She stood to the side with two men beside her. And when the briefing was over, she walked up.

Emily felt his gaze on her as she introduced the two lead detectives helping with the case. It was burning through her. She didn't look at him. She looked at everyone else but him.

And once the other agent left with two detectives, Emily found herself in a sea of hugs. JJ hugged her first. She missed her terribly. Emails and phone calls didn't suffice, she said. Reid hugged her next and told her there was a convention in town. They needed to go together. That brought an immediate laugh from her. Morgan playfully pushed Reid out of the way and made his way towards her. He gave her two kisses on the cheek. One was from him, the other from Garcia. He asked if she has gone to any clubs. They had to go when the case was over. Rossi gave her a kiss and a hug. She smiled when he told her he was working on a new book.

Finally she turned to Hotch. They stood there motionless and staring at one another for a long moment. Their eyes studying what had become of each other in the last nine months since they said their goodbye.

Her hair grew a little longer. Her bangs grew out. She was a little paler. Her cheeks were a little rosier. She looked different. But she still looked beautiful.

He looked a little more worn out. His eyes were tired and sad. They didn't match that strong face he was trying to uphold. He looked a bit thinner.

"Hey." Her voice was quiet.

"Hey." His voice matched hers.

They felt four pairs of eyes on them.

"How have you been?" After nine month of wondering and hoping, she was going to know.

"I'm good. And you?" His smile was weak.

"I'm good." Her smile was small.

They didn't move. They didn't hug.

They just lied.

...

That was the only exchange they had for the rest of the day.

Emily worked the profile with JJ and Reid. She looked over the evidence with Rossi. She went out into the streets with Morgan. She even got to talk to Garcia.

But she kept away from him.

She felt his eyes on her. Watching her, lingering on her, and hoping she'd look up. But she wouldn't. She would've have cracked in the middle of the office, and she wasn't going to.

And when Emily had a moment to excuse herself from everyone later that night, she went to the bathroom and into the stall, leaning against the wall and sighing. She felt the tears beginning to burn her eyes, but she did her best to blink them away. She remembered why she had decided it would have been best if they didn't have any contact. The thought of only being able to talk to him when they weren't able to be together was unbearable. But now when he was outside and she couldn't talk to him or touch him or kiss him, it nearly killed her.

Emily wanted the case to be over with now. It had been only one day, but it had been already too much. She couldn't handle a few more days of compartmentalizing.

A knock on the door startled her.

"Emily, are you okay?"

Emily took a deep breath before opening the door.

"I'm fine."

JJ eyed her carefully, not believing her. But she let it go.

"We're going out to eat now. Why don't you come along?" Her friend gave her a smile. And as much as Emily wanted to agree and spend the night like she used to with them talking and laughing and wondering if Reid had learned how to used chopsticks properly, she wanted more to go home and ultimately avoid him. She felt absolutely ridiculous and stupid, but she needed to figure it out in her head before tomorrow morning.

"I'd love to, but I'm a little tired. I think I'm just going to head home and sleep," Emily whispered with a chuckle. She felt the guilt sinking into her heart.

Her friend gave her a pleading smile. "We haven't seen you in months, and you're turning us down. We should be very offended."

"I'm sorry. I really am. I promise I'll make it up to you guys. Until the case is solved, we'll have dinner and drinks every night. I just… want to head home now…" Her voice trailed off.

JJ looked at her for a moment and let out a sigh of defeat. "You promise, right?" Her voice was a little sad before pulling Emily into a hug.

"I promise."

JJ held her for a moment longer.

"He misses you, you know?" The comment made Emily freeze for minute. She hesitantly pulled away and looked to the ground.

"I know it's not my place, but he does. We all do too," JJ quietly told her.

Emily took a deep breath. She missed him too. She missed them all. But those words never escaped her lips.

"You can come back, you know. I know you're afraid of Strauss, but you'll have us. And if no one has told you yet, your desk is still vacant. It's been months, and we had dozens of applications. He has looked, but he won't sign of any of them."

She didn't know that.

"I think a part of him hopes you're coming back soon too."

Emily's eyes stayed on the ground as she bit her lip, contemplating what she was hearing. She wanted go back. But she also needed to protect him.

"It's not that simple," she said quietly, leaning against the closed stall door and looked up. "This job is important to him. He can say it's not, but we both know that that's not true. Along with Jack, that's his life. I know he wants to be on top one day, and I know I will be in the way. I couldn't live with myself if what we had prevented him from getting there. And I think it's for the best anyway when we're on cases. We were taking them too personally. We were constantly scared something was going to happen to one of us. That was how this all started. It wasn't good for us. It wasn't good for the team. As much as I hate it, it just… has to be like this for now."

She felt the tears burning again when she finally turned to JJ, who just hugged her.

"Whatever you decide, just know that you'll have the support from all of us, especially me," JJ whispered with a sad laugh before pulling away.

"Thanks. You should go before they come barging in here," she said a small chuckle.

JJ looked at her one more time before giving her a slight nod and smile and left. Emily stood there in the bathroom by herself a little longer. As pathetic as she sounded, she wanted them to be gone when she left. Despite wondering when she would have been able to see him, she couldn't see him now when he was outside. She didn't know when she became such a coward.

And five minutes later when Emily walked out the bathroom, they were all gone.

...

It took them six days to solve the case. In those six days, they said about a dozen words to one another. She still tried avoiding him when she could. She worked closely with everyone else. She never was alone with him.

Emily kept her promise to JJ though. She had dinner and drinks with them every night they were there. She never said anything to him in any of their outings. She wouldn't look at him. But every once in a while when she talked, she felt his eyes on her.

Tonight was dinner. And it was their last night. After tonight she wouldn't know when she would see him again. They were waiting for her downstairs. She needed to finish one last file before leaving. And after a quick check in the bathroom mirror, she stood waiting for the elevator. She took a quick glance at her watch when she felt someone beside her.

Emily didn't have to turn next to her. She knew it was Hotch. She felt her breath quicken and her heart beat a little louder. She wanted to run and just take the stairs, but her feet wouldn't move. They stood there in silence for a few minutes until the elevator doors opened. He let her walk in first. She pressed the ground floor. They remained silent.

"How has it been like living here?" His question was barely above a whisper, but she heard him.

"It's been good." She didn't know what to say. Her eyes moved to the ground, waiting and hoping the elevator would stop already.

The silence continued.

"Do you like it?" His eyes turned to her. She refused to look at him.

"Yeah… I do." She was a liar.

The silence was deafening. His eyes turned to the ground momentarily before he moved them back to her.

"I've missed you."

Emily felt her heart stop for a moment. It was hardly audible, but she heard every syllable. Those tears from the first day tried to break out again, but she wouldn't let them fall. Compartmentalizing had been failing her since he showed up. She still refused to look at him. She just remained still.

He pressed the third floor as they approached, and when the elevator doors opened, she heard the same broken voice from their last night in her apartment.

"It was good to see you, Emily."

And like that, he stepped out the elevator, and she heard the doors close.

She couldn't say anything.

...

Hotch didn't go to dinner that night. He went back to the hotel. It was still a little early so he wanted to call Jack and talk to him before he went to bed. That was what Rossi whispered to her when he caught her staring mindlessly out the window when Morgan and JJ were teasing Reid and his chopstick skills again. All she could do was nod and give him a weak smile.

Emily thought about him during dinner. She laughed and smiled with all of them, but in the back of her mind, she thought about him.

And three hours later they were saying their goodbyes. They dropped her back at the field office for her car. She hugged them all a little longer. JJ almost near cried and told her to come back and see Henry and everyone else whenever she could. Morgan hugged her tight, telling her that discussing Vonnegut with Reid wasn't as fun. She laughed and gave him a kiss on the cheek, telling him to send it back to Garcia. Reid gave her some probabilities of when they probably would see her again, and she lovingly told him to shut up and hugged him. She hugged Rossi last. He whispered to her that she may be in New York, but she would always be part of the team.

When Emily got in her car and drove away, she saw them in her mirror getting smaller and smaller, and it took all that she could to not cry. All she wanted was to go home and sleep.

But it was well passed midnight, and Emily couldn't sleep. She was in bed for an hour before she gave up and got dressed. Minutes later she found herself in her car and thirty minutes after, with a flash of her badge to the front desk, she stood in front of his room.

Her hand formed the fist ready to knock. She held it there, motionless and debating whether to knock or not. She didn't know if he was sleeping or not. She didn't want to wake him. But she did knock and she almost regretted it until Hotch opened the door.

"Hey." Emily felt her heart ready to beat out her chest.

"Hey." His eyes studied her.

And just like that night in Texas, he didn't say anything more, and opened the door a little wider for her to enter.

She stepped in without a word. She suddenly didn't even know what to do or say. He stood in front of her, and all she could do bow her head and push her hair behind her ear.

"Are you okay?" His eyes were on her, waiting for her to look up.

"Yeah… I'm fine." Just like Texas.

They stood there in silence until he spoke.

"Why are you here?"

Her words hitched in her throat; the close proximity and his familiar scent slowly knocking whatever senses she had left.

"I didn't get to say goodbye," she quietly whispered with a chuckle. The tears began stinging her eyes once again.

For a moment, Emily didn't know what to do next. She sounded ridiculous. She wanted go, but she couldn't move. She didn't know what else to say.

But when Emily felt his arm around her and the feel of his hand on the small of her back, her only instinct was to press her lips to his. The tears were near ready to explode at her first taste of him in nine months. And when Hotch cradled her face and neck and slowly kissed her back, relishing the taste that had been taken from him, she felt the tears slowly sliding down, the compartmentalizing completely faltering.

Maybe there was a reason why he said goodbye to her in the elevator. Maybe it was to avoid this. Maybe it was to avoid the additional pain because Emily knew this would probably hurt twice as much in the morning.

Whatever the reason was, it went out the window.

Hotch held onto her tight, kissing her harder as his tongue darted into her mouth. It drew an immediate whimper from her. He honestly didn't expect her to come here. She avoided him the whole week. But now she looked so fragile.

Just like Texas.

He began moving her back towards the bed, their lips never losing contact as their hands worked on one another's shirt. He felt her shudder in his arms as his fingertips grazed up her spine to unclasp her bra. Her hands shook as she worked on his pants, pushing them down as much as she could without breaking their kiss. And once they fell to the ground, his hand released the button of her jeans, and she did her best to get out of them. He laid her down, and his lips trailed down, kissing down her neck to her breasts and all the way to the edge of her black lace underwear. All she heard was her gasping for her next breath. His fingers grabbed hold of the underwear, and he pulled them down, shedding the last layer between them to the side.

His lips moved back up her body and caught her lips. Her hands grabbed hold of his face, kissing him with as much force she could collect. His arm went under her and lifted her up. He slid into her and a moan from her throat escaped. Her lips fell from his as soon as his hips began to rock. She closed her eyes, her hands gripping onto the bed sheets.

After nine months apart, they still fit perfectly.

And for the first time in nine months, his name rolled off her tongue. "Aaron…" She gasped, her breathing getting more and more difficult the faster he pushed. She managed to wrap her legs around him, pushing him farther into her. One hand gripped her hips as he continued thrust into her. His grunts echoed her moans. Her knuckles turning white as the grip on the bed sheets grew tighter. She arched her back for him until they both came together. She had to bite her lip from wanting to scream as her toes curled. They remained still as they filled one another.

Hotch stared down at Emily with her flushed cheeks and swollen lips. Her eyes closed with her chest still heaving as he brushed a strand of hair from her forehead. A moment later, she opened her eyes, her breathing steady and stared up at him

"I've missed you too," Emily quietly murmured as she touched his chest.

Hotch gave her a small smile before he leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. He stayed on her a little longer before he pulled out of her and moved beside her, pulling her along with her. He pulled the thin covers over them as she put her head on his chest. Their legs tangled while their fingers intertwined. She listened to his heartbeat, remembering all the other times she had done it.

"I couldn't sleep, you know. I didn't know if I woke you when I knocked," she softly informed him.

"I wasn't sleeping," he quietly reassured her.

Emily nodded against his chest. His fingers threaded through the ends of her hair. They stayed silent, breathing and listening.

"What time is it?" She felt his body slightly turn.

"It's almost three," he whispered to her.

She nodded against his chest again.

A few more hours and he would be gone. Emily would have to say goodbye, and it wouldn't lead to this. A part of her began hating herself that she wanted the case to be solved sooner. She removed her hand from his and began tracing his visible skin and touching the scars. Memories of him in the hospital flooded her mind. She was so scared and worried she lost him. And as if Hotch knew what she was thinking, she felt his lips on her head a moment later, reassuring her that he was fine.

"What time's the flight tomorrow?" Her voice was soft.

"It's at eight." He let out a sigh.

She nodded once more. They remained still and silent until Emily lifted herself slightly up and moved on top of him, straddling his hips. She gazed down at him, his eyes a little less tired and a little more relieved. She gave him a frail smile as he tucked her falling hair behind her ear.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Emily leaned down and captured his lips.

If in a few hours he would be gone and she would be left wondering when their someday would come, she wanted at least this night to remember until then.

...

Emily woke up before him. Her back pressed to his chest with his arm tight around her waist. She needed to go to work, and he needed to leave soon.

They needed to go back to reality.

She tried moving quietly in his arms, but it only made Hotch begin to stir. When she fully turned to face him, she leaned her forehead against his chin and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath.

"I should go," she whispered.

The words were easily said than done because she didn't move. She didn't want to. She wanted to stay in his bed with him for just a moment longer. That was all she wanted.

"Come home."

Her heart froze when she heard the words. Her eyes opened. He couldn't be doing this to her now.

Emily pulled herself away from him and out of bed. She picked up all her clothes, and went into the bathroom. And when she emerged three minutes later, Hotch stood in front of her in the clothes she discarded from his body in the early morning, and soon enough, she felt her world begin to spin a little faster.

"Come home." His arms wrapped around her, and all she could do was she close her eyes and bury her head in his neck, breathing in.

She easily slipped her arms around him, embracing his still warm body. She wanted to so badly. But she couldn't. It wasn't time yet.

"We can't." Her voice broke. Her heart was aching.

She heard his sigh as his arms held her tighter. They stood there, with eyes closed and neither saying a word. And the longer they stood there, the more difficult it became for Emily to pull herself out. She needed to leave.

"I should go."

She pulled her head away from him, but Hotch only cupped her face in his hands and pressed his forehead against hers. Her hands moved to clutch his shirt.

"Stay."

And when he leaned down and kissed her, a part of began regretting that she came back here to say goodbye. This was killing them. The tears began fighting to escape, and she had to breathe in slowly.

"I'm sorry."

Her voice was shaking. She felt pathetic for whispering that, but she was. Every part of her was. Her lips trembled slightly, and she had to take another deep breath. She wasn't going to cry, and if she stayed a second longer, she would burst.

"I have to go."

Hotch held on to her a little longer. He needed to let her go. He breathed her in, and all she felt was their hearts breaking the longer she didn't move.

"Someday, right?"

An immediate whimper escaped from her lips. He remembered. After nine months, he still remembered what she told him in her apartment. She slowly nodded in his hands. She tipped up and softly kissed him once more, her lips lingering on his for a small moment to embed everything of him in her mind until next time.

"Someday."

And with all the willpower Emily could muster up, she held in all the tears and let go of Hotch and walked out his room without turning back around.


End file.
